Leadership Coach & Facilitator 
This is What 55 Looks Like
March 13, 2017
Today, I turn 55 – the number that inspired my blog site, Studio 55. The “Studio” part is a semi-ironic nod to Studio 54, the nightclub that was an emblem of hedonism in the go-go 1970s and 80s, the backdrop against which I was thrust out into the world, without a GPS.
Speaking of “go-go,” my friend Junko – a photographer and food expert living in Oslo, also from Kobe, also married to a Norwegian – pointed out to me that in Japanese, the number 55, read out literally, is “go-go.” I would call this serendipity.
Because I definitely feel ready to go-go (not à la 80s, but in a more grounded, post hip replacement kind of way), notwithstanding comments from my 12-year old this morning as I chauffeured him and his buddy to the school bus stop: “Gee Mom, fifty-five? You’re so old. So old. That’s really old, you know?” My response: “It’s just a number. I don’t feel old, I feel fantastic.”
As I drove, I regaled the boys with a story from my days in the 80s on Wall Street, where I toiled as an investment banking analyst – but only because I had found a willing visa sponsor during those Japan as Number One days (and just maybe because I had to pay the rent and had no takers for my undefined creative longings).
There was a guy in my cohort, fresh out of Ivy League, who acted (to me anyway) like he was already comfortably and decidedly middle-aged. Each morning, he would walk into our windowless bullpen in his boxy grey Brooks Brothers suit, obligatory yellow power tie, clinically shiny wingtip lace-up shoes, carrying one of those hard-case brown leather briefcases you don’t see anymore. He would sit down at his station, and with great ceremony, lay down his combination lock-protected briefcase and pull out his Wall Street Journal, which he would read front to back, turning each page with great care, sipping occasionally from that take-out coffee cup which you only see in New York that says “We are happy to serve you” in faux Greek letters. I felt like I was spying on my WASPy grandfather from a previous life.
“See…” I said to the boys, “Age is just a number. This guy was 22 and was acting 55 already.” If they did not have a bus to catch, I would have gone on to tell them that one of my all-time favorite quotes is from John Milton’s Paradise Lost (thank you, high school English class):
“The mind is its own place and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.”
Or the less poetic version, which I say with some frequency: “Heaven and hell are states of mind.”
My 55-year old state of mind: Aging is deliciously liberating. With the years, we’ve acquired the gems of wisdom and patience. Along the way, we’ve unburdened ourselves of judgment – except for when being judge-y is our civic duty, like with teenage offspring or with elected officials. We get to choose who we want to be, and whose company we want to keep. We’ve earned the right to be unshackled from the need to please.
My 50s has been my best decade yet. I am healthier physically and emotionally than I’ve ever been (not difficult, given how unkind I was to myself during my teens, 20s and 30s). Sure, I’m as flawed a human being as I’ve always been. But with practice I’ve learned to detach myself (eventually, at least) from my own drama – and, on a good day, to have a private giggle about it. In winter, I still love to wear my leather shorts over tights and booties, topped by a turtle neck sweater and a fuzzy vest.
I am truly looking forward to the decades ahead, especially to the time we get to move to that commune some friends and I have been scheming to create – and which we are trying to convince our respective spouses to join. The best is yet to come.
My heroines all seem to have a few decades on me: Yayoi Kusama is almost 88, Alice Munro is 85, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is nearly 84, Gloria Steinem is almost 83, Tina Turner is 77, Patti Smith is 70, Meryl Streep is 69. The list is long. Today, I say a deeply heartfelt thank you to all the badass ladies – known and hidden – who’ve paved the way in every domain.
At 55, I feel fierce – and I’m ready to go-go.
Harbinder, I am overjoyed to see you slaying it at the barre, day after day. “It doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger!”
Loved reading this today Atsuko with the sun shining on my porch. You do look fabulous and you are so incredibly strong . Thank you for introducing me to Pure Barre x
Aasheema, I am so looking forward to seeing and supporting what you are creating in the coming decade! You’re a rock star yourself!
Very well said! I can relate … especially to that feeling of liberation. You’re a rock star, Atsuko. I’m so glad our paths crossed.
Sachi, what a difference three decades makes – those booming Tokyo days seem like a mirage. The story in this blog set is actually set in NY, where I started before being transferred to Tokyo. We have many years ahead of us and much to give!
I really enjoyed reading your blog Atsuko! Especially as it brought to mind the IBK interns, staff, execs of our shared days in Tokyo. It’s hard to believe we are both now go-go aged ladies but you continue to give me the fierce and fearless inspiration I so need as I see myself slowing down in semi-retirement. I hope you’ll recover fully very soon, and hope to see you when you visit the West Coast. Happy Belated Birthday!
Thank you for the encouragement, Annette! The beauty of the aging process, I think, is that we each get clearer about what we want to hang on to and what we are ready to let go.I still love fashion and trends – but please don’t judge me 😉 !
Fabulous! I share in your reflections on the ease of middle age – although I am not quite there yet as far as the physical fitness :). I love the fact that I no longer feel bridled by “fashion” or trend. Keep writing!
Run, Kelly, run! Be mindful of the ice and cold. Running beside you – in spirit 😉
I love this Atsuko. I was just looking out the window, contemplating the cold snowy day ahead and trying to get motivated. You just gave me the motivation I needed to get out there for a quick run!
Thank you Jane; hope you’re enjoying the snow today!
Love the birthday essay, Atsuko! Ever since I met you during your EXC phase I have seen you as a force of nature!! You go, girl!
Thank you Libby! I think he would say that he would rather stick needles in his eyes than to go dancing with me 😉
Thank you Wafa! So appreciate your continued warm support. A big hug to you.
Amit, thank you. One of these days I’m going to write about how you told me, a new mother, that I would come to know every single line of “Good Night Moon.”
Happy go-go Atsuko! Love your 55 mind state – I can feel the freedom! With your new hips you can take your son dancing to show him how young you are!
Hurrah hurrah to all the badass women of 55 and above! As for you, you look and talk great at 55! Keep it up
A wonderful, quirky reminder about what life is all about. I love the way you weave family, life experiences and your thoughts in this short piece.
Thank you Funke for your warm message and the Champagne!
Shilpa, I love what your wrote! Thank you.
Happy Birthday and I agree with every word ! ?? Great blog!
55 looks great! There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who has lived, loved, is loved, and is happy in her own skin.
Jenny, thank you so much for that encouragement. I am so glad to be re-connected with you!
I love this! Great writing with just the right amount of introspection, observation and humor.
I’m looking forward to more!
Maya, thank you. Our scars are our precious armor!
Fun! You go-go! At 55 we have our scars and have earned (still earning) our wisdoms….! Moving forward!
Thank you, Susan! Yes, I am just finding my voice out here – exhilarating (and a bit daunting, too)!
I’m so glad you decided to do this blog. Love your stories and love your style. As a blogger myself, I know how challenging it can be to find your voice and tell a story that resonates.